


Clock Hands

by munarei



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Heat Haze Days, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:11:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2014095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/munarei/pseuds/munarei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This kind of cliched story has only one ending.</p><p>But it can only be found beyond those repeating summer days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clock Hands

**Author's Note:**

> “They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite” ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
> 
> Summary: Lyrics from Heat Haze Days

Jude Mathis always seems to be late to something or another.

On the day he met Milla, he had burst out of class just to try and get to his professor in time, only to be lectured that he was late by Prim.

But it culminated in the young doctor to be meeting the Lord of Spirits and jumpstarting him on this journey.

It should have been a happy ending anyway, despite everything he and his friends had been through, somehow saving both worlds and everyone finding their own purposes.

Somehow though…

Jude manages to be too late yet _again_.

Inside that wooden cabin, where he was lost in his sorrow, Alvin finds him. Oddly enough, the mercenary is quiet before meeting Jude’s blank gaze with desperation that slowly melts away into determination and turns to walk outside without a single word.

It’s only when he hears that click that Jude realizes what was going on.

He jerks, getting to his feet clumsily but it’s too late.

That resounding sound of the shot would forever be etched into Jude’s memory.

The gun falls to the ground, blood staining the ground behind the wooden cabin as Jude takes a step back.

Repeating the word 'no' over and over again, he breaks into a sprint only a second later, dropping to his knees and staring at the blood. "I could have stopped you...I'm so sorry Alvin...I...!" 

_If you so wish it, then you can rewind this time. I can help you do that~_

A singsong voice rings in his head as he tightens his fists. 

 _Maybe you can save_ **_him~_ **

The voice’s tone grows louder in his head, filled with mirth, as he stares at Alvin, his heart beating faster and faster. He would. He _had_ to. He wouldn’t let Alvin die. His heart beat roaring in his ears, Jude Mathis blacks out as he collapses on the ground next to Alvin’s body.

_But maybe you can’t._

The voice giggles sweetly and Jude knows no more.

When he wakes up that morning, he’s convinced that it’s a dream. After all, how would time loop back to where it started? It wasn’t possible.

The events repeat themselves.

He meets Milla, starts on this journey to destroy the Lance with a feeling that told him that this wasn't the first time he went through this. But it was just a dream...a nightmare, wasn't it? Or was it premonition?

He tells Alvin a part of his dream, omitting the bit of Alvin’s apparent death and only telling him about time rewinding itself as they make their way across Rieze Maxia. At that, Alvin slaps him on the back, grinning his carefree smile, telling him that he really had to start sleeping earlier if that’s the kind of dream he kept having.

They laugh then.

Jude isn’t laughing when Alvin falls off a cliff edge during their journey before that moment in Hamil and Jude misses his hand by mere _inches_.

He can hear that mocking sweet voice in his head as he cries out desperately and blackness swallows his vision.

Time rewinds and Alvin is killed by his uncle when Celcius skewers him with her deadly ice attack. Jude tries to heal him, tears in his eyes but Alvin actually _smiles_ at him and dies with that peaceful look on his face.

And so time loops again.

And again.

 _And_ ** _again_**.

The same sequence of events rewinds itself over and over until Jude can repeat the steps in his sleep.

When he tries to alter that chain of events, pull Alvin away to talk to him, reassure the older man that he had his trust no matter what, _show_ him that he had improved, Alvin _still_ dies each and every time.

Why?!

Jude is frustrated and angry as he bites his lip at the 525th loop. He kept count or rather the voice kept count for him, repeating itself over and over in his mind each time he woke up.

He had to stop this loop. Alvin had to live, has to press on with their friends to fix this world, both worlds they lived in.

Milla dies, the party lives, and Alvin leaves their party.

Jude finds himself in the same wooden cabin as before, curled up under his blanket.

Some things never changed, like his despair over Milla’s death as it hurt like it was the first time. No matter how he tries, Milla's death seems preordained, unstoppable. While it breaks his heart, he finds his purpose in stopping one more death from happening.

Alvin, Jude could stop, could _save._

This time, he had that purpose burning deep within the sorrow clinging to his thoughts. This was it. This was where everything would change. Alvin would live this time.

He had tried to knock it out of his hand before, only for the gun to fire and for Alvin to fall to the ground, the loop once more established. Other times he had tried to divert the party only for Milla to lead them back on track.

As Alvin walks outside, Jude gets to his feet with a shout, a crazy idea seizing him. If he couldn’t prevent Alvin’s death by diverting the events before, he would instead change what would happen himself.

He bounds forward in two steps and grabs Alvin’s gun just as the older man moves to step into the small shack. A blinding sense of pain grabs his entire body as he falls to the ground, laughing shortly at the sweet voice, now not so sweet as it screams.

 _Serves you right_. He finds himself thinking, even if that answer is brutal coming from him.

When he looks up at Alvin as he falls to the ground, his gaze going blank, he only sees Alvin’s horrified face. It wasn’t just about what just happened, though it was evident in his shocked and terrified gaze…it was…

Jude’s eyes widened.

It was the same look on his face each time he failed Alvin.

 _What_?

Blackness swallows him and Jude knows no more.

 _Alvin_ jolts up as he presses his hands against his face and falls against the mattress, tears staining the palms of his hands.

What number was this attempt again? 527…

He smiles bitterly, shaking his head.

“I failed him again,” he mutters to himself. Slowly he climbs out of the inn bed and looks towards his left, at Jude breathing in slowly in and out, _alive._  

He’d just have to try again.

He wouldn’t let what happened before, Jude dying when they fought in Hamil by yours truly, ever occur. Alvin would just take things into his own hands and make sure that Jude _lived._ Even if that meant dying, even if he took himself out of this damn world, _Jude would live._

Somewhere in the distance, that sweet cheerful voice giggles as time ticks onwards, seemingly fated to loop once more into a tragedy.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo. Um. I'm sorry. 8D; This is a birthday!fic for Leronde on tumblr and i apologize for butchering the KagePro song in the process. BUT. I had fun writing this aha~


End file.
